


just wanna rock the boat (and raise some hell)

by catching_paper_moons



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, elu appears for a moment, happy friends, just a lil scene i wish would happen no big, this is a conversation between imane and lucas that i think they both kinda need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catching_paper_moons/pseuds/catching_paper_moons
Summary: “Imane, sometimes we fuck up when we’re in love,” he says quietly, and she freezes, her breath hitching.“What did you say?”(or, Imane shares a little bit of her pain with Lucas.)





	just wanna rock the boat (and raise some hell)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work for this fandom which. aaaaa. i don't know what possessed me, but it felt right. i don't know. i just want imane to be happy.
> 
> title from "repercussions" by bea miller.

Imane knows as well as anyone that what she did was wrong.

 

In her prayers last night and this morning, she’d asked Allah for forgiveness, but even her prayers did nothing to soothe her anxiety. She’s practically overflowing with guilt, about to burst at the seams the moment someone asks her how she is at school.

 

But her friends say nothing, more concerned with how Sofiane is treating Manon.

 

(Which, okay. That’s her own fault, she supposes. She told _him_ they couldn’t be together, so he’s moving on. And he has every right to. It just so happens it’s with one of her best friends. It all sucks, if she’s being honest with herself. Which she _is._ )

 

Sofiane is _great_ , according to Manon. They’d talked more, he’d understood, she said. Said that he gets there being a shitty ex still in your life. As far as Imane knows, though, there’s never been a shitty ex. Sofiane’s dated one girl, and that was ages ago.

 

(Is she the shitty ex? Does their song and dance routine they’d performed for years count?)

 

Maybe if she frowns harder she’ll pull a face muscle and get to go home.

 

She slides into her seat and pulls out her books, opting to read last night’s passage over rather than talk to anyone. _La Princesse de Clèves_ feels a _little_ too on the nose for her, right now, the more she thinks about the ending, and she shuts the book, preferring instead to chip at her black nail polish. It’s ruined anyway. _Just like my life_ , she thinks, and then laughs to herself. A little melodramatic for a Tuesday morning. She sees Lucas walk in out of the corner of her eye, and her anxiety spikes, jolting her a bit. He frowns, taking a seat next to her.

 

“ _Salut, ça va?”_ he asks, leaning on his hand. She shrugs, shooting off a text to Jamila.

 

Imane

 _Hi, Jamila. Are you free tomorrow evening? Just wanna talk_ _:)_

 

“I’m alright. You?”

 

Lucas shrugs, opening his book, and then he thinks better of it, shutting it. He opens his mouth, shuts it, then sighs. “I just wanted to...I wanted to say that I didn’t mean to imply that Eliott said Idriss was homophobic. You’re right. I was paranoid and worried or whatever, but Eliott didn’t say that. All he said was that Idriss didn’t want to see him, and I took that the wrong way. I’m sorry.”

 

Imane blinks, the weight of what Lucas has told her hitting her directly. “Oh. Uh, thank you, Lucas.” She blinks again, tears prickling. Her breath hitches, and she frowns at her books. “Honestly, it’s okay. I understand feeling like people don’t like you because of some part of you, you know?”

 

Lucas frowns at her. “What do you mean? Everyone likes you.”

 

Jamila

_Can’t tomorrow, sorry! Thursday?_

 

Imane rolls her eyes, her previous feelings replaced with fondness at the idiot next to her. “I’m a black muslim woman, Lucas. Most of the world absolutely does _not_ like me.”

 

Lucas nods slowly, a small, embarrassed smile taking over. “Ah. Yeah. Okay. Didn’t think about that, sorry.” She smiles at him, and he smiles at her, and it’s small, nothing special, honestly, but he’s the first person besides Idriss to apologize for something they’ve done in weeks, months, maybe? And she might honestly cry, right here in this classroom, if it weren’t for the fact that no one outside of her family has seen her cry. She brings a knee to her chest and tucks her face into it, trying desperately to stave the tears off. Lucas coughs, and she looks up. He’s frowning, and she shuts her eyes. “Imane?”

 

“I…” she trails off, and he leans over, grabbing her pencil, and when their shoulders brush she knows he’s trying to let her know he’s here. “I think…” Lucas nods a little, tilting his head. She shrugs. “I don’t know.” Alexia walks in, and Imane immediately hides her face again.

 

“Hey,” she hears. She doesn’t look up, stays buried in her chair. Lucas leans against her and then straightens back up, but she doesn’t move.

 

“Hi,” Lucas says.

 

“Imane?” Alexia reaches out for her shoulder, but Imane shakes it off. She can only assume Alexia walks away, because Lucas sighs.

 

Imane lifts her head and avoids Lucas’s questioning gaze, opening her notebook. She notices Alexia and Arthur looking back at her, and she feels her cheeks heat up, and she’s grateful no one can see her blush. Lucas’s face is in front of hers, then, and his gaze is concerned. “What?” she snaps, and he rolls his eyes.

 

“You gonna talk or not?”

 

“Not,” she says, and then their teacher is walking in. He sighs again, pulling his notebook out, and her heart rate _finally_ slows down, and she takes a breath. Something from this day is salvageable, maybe.

 

—

 

She walks into the cafeteria, and Ingrid is sitting in Imane’s usual spot, her back to the cafeteria, and Imane’s hit with a wave of nausea. Fine by her, she’s fasting right now so there’s nothing _to_ throw up, but it’s unnerving nonetheless that her usual spot has been taken. She knows, though, that saying anything would result in being laid out to dry, so maybe it’s just...better to not sit there.

 

“Imane!” Alexia calls from behind. She jumps as Alexia links their arms, sliding in front of her. “You coming?” she asks, gesturing toward the table with a nod. Imane shakes her head. “What?”

 

“I can’t eat so I figured I’d just go outside or something. It’s fine.” Imane tries to pull away, but when she looks back, Alexia is frowning. “What? It’s fine, I told you.”

 

“I feel like you’re lying, though.” Alexia shakes her head a little, tightening her grip on Imane’s arm. Imane tries to pull away again, but Alexia holds fast. “Like what’s going on? I feel like you’re avoiding us.”

 

“It’s no different than every other Ramadan, no?” Imane gets her arm out of Alexia’s stronghold and huffs. Alexia flinches. “Nothing’s wrong, obviously, okay? Don’t worry.” She pauses. “You haven’t before,” she mutters, and then turns on her heel, leaving a very confused Alexia behind. She bumps into Alex on her way out, and he grabs her arm to steady her. She pulls away like she’s been burned.

 

“You okay?” he asks, and she rolls her eyes, continuing her walk outside. There’s a few people in the courtyard, but not too many; she finds an isolated, empty bench more easily than she expected, and sits, crossing her arms. She takes some deep breaths, trying not to cry. She doesn’t cry at school. She wouldn’t. She closes her eyes, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She can’t stop seeing Manon kissing Sofiane. Sofiane kissing Manon? She blinks, pushing the thought out of her mind, and closes her eyes again. She feels someone sit next to her, and when she opens her eyes, Eliott is sitting next to her.

 

“Hi?”

 

“Did you want company?” he asks. “You stormed out of there pretty fast.” His eyes are averted, and he smiles. She follows his gaze and sees Lucas, walking toward them with a smile. “Hi, baby.”

 

The petname makes both her and Lucas smile, and Lucas’s cheeks flush as he rolls his eyes. “Hi. Actually, Eliott, I forgot, Imane and I were going to study, if that’s okay?” He holds up his review sheets, and Imane nods. Eliott shrugs, still smiling. “So I’ll see you later?”

 

Eliott nods, kisses him. “Sure. Love you. Bye, Imane!” He waves, and finds Yann, and he waves, too, as they head into the cafeteria. Imane looks at Lucas, and Lucas looks back at her, and she laughs.

 

“We’re studying?” she asks. Lucas rolls his eyes.

 

“No, _meuf._ I just wanted to see what’s up.” He leans back and tilts his head toward the sky, closing his eyes. “You seemed upset, earlier. And a lot, lately.”

 

Imane’s first instinct is to get resentful; she doesn’t want him to tell anyone that she’s upset because, as she’s said, she’s got a reputation to uphold. But when she thinks about it for a moment...who of her friends has noticed that she’s upset besides him?

 

(And Sofiane, her brain supplies unhelpfully. It’s not the time.)

 

She takes a deep breath and looks at him. He cracks an eye open, and she laughs. He turns to face her, both eyes open now. “Are you okay, Imane?”

 

“No,” she says, almost automatically, and then immediately wants to retract the statement. His eyes widen, and she shakes her head. “I mean, I will...be?”

 

“You can tell me, you know. Keeping it all in makes a big mess out of things. Trust me. I would know.” He laughs, but it comes across as bitter, a bit, and she realizes that he’s gone through such an intense change in the past three months that she can barely recognize him anymore. He smiles so much more, is freer...she knows he was kind of going through it before, with the whole sexuality thing, but now...he seems okay. “Imane, honestly. It doesn’t have to be me, but—”

 

“I fucked up,” she blurts out before she can think better of it. He blinks, brows furrowing, and she  sighs, willing her voice to stay even. “I fucked up and I’m going to lose all my friends because of it.” It cracks on the last word, and Lucas’s face turns from concern to genuine worry, and she knows, right now, she’s got to fess up.

 

“Hey,” he starts, and she shakes her head. His voice is gentle, soft, like he doesn’t want to scare her, and they’re 100% not close enough to be having this conversation, but she can’t keep it in any longer. “I’m sure it’ll be oka—”

 

“I’m the one who sent the email,” she hisses, and Lucas shuts his mouth. He leans away, against the bench, and she sees him process it, watches it all happen on his face as he takes it in, and she shakes her head. “Don’t you get it? I fucked up, _putain_ _._ I fucked it all up for nothing!”

 

Lucas sighs, audibly, and Imane can’t look at him; if she does, she’ll start to cry. The longer he goes without speaking, the more Imane is certain, absolutely certain that Lucas will tell Manon, and Manon will tell the girls and she’ll lose all her friends. Lucas shouldn’t be trusted with secrets, she realizes, after what he did to Emma a year ago. _Putain_ _,_ indeed.

 

“Just forget I said anything,” she starts, but Lucas shakes his head. She looks at him, finally, and there’s some sort of understanding on his face. She sighs, her chest feeling tighter every minute, and she shakes her head. “Please, Lucas, just forget it.”

 

“Imane, sometimes we fuck up when we’re in love,” he says quietly, and she freezes, her breath hitching.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I said, sometimes we fuck up. When we’re in love.” He shrugs, not looking at her. He sounds nonchalant when he continues. “I didn’t tell Camille that Emma kissed Alex just to be a dick. I did it because I was in love.”

 

Imane looks at him then, really looks at him, and she sees how vulnerable he is, with what he’s sharing with her. That nonchalance is an all an act, and it’s one she gets intimately. She’s not ready to talk about her, though, so she smiles a little at him, clears her throat. “With...Emma?” Lucas snorts, rolling his eyes, and she blinks, it suddenly dawning on her. “Oh. Yann.”

 

Lucas shrugs, smiling a little, though it’s a forced happiness. She wishes she didn’t understand it so well. “I didn’t...I love Emma, you know? I didn’t want to hurt her. In fact, I didn’t really...process that I would? I just knew that _I_ was hurting, seeing them together, and I wanted it to stop, even if Yann and I would never be _together_ , you know?” He crosses his arms, picking at a piece of lint on his jacket. He twists his mouth around, and Imane shuts her eyes. It feels like he knows. “So. You know. Sometimes we do fucked up things when we’re in love.”

 

Imane swallows, looking anywhere but his face. “Who said I was in love?”

 

“With Sofiane?” Lucas looks at her incredulously and huffs out a laugh. She shakes her head at him. “Anyone with two working eyes?”

 

“So not the girls?” Bitterness seeps into her voice, and she wishes it wouldn’t, because the surprise on Lucas’s face is too much already. “I don’t do guys, you know? I don’t fall in love. That’s who I’ve always been.”

 

“And people can’t change?” Lucas asks. Imane leans back, sighing. Lucas sighs too, and then they sigh at the same time. It’s stupid, but they laugh a little, at each other, a little levity in a heavy conversation. “I think you should talk to Manon.”

 

“No.”

 

“Not about the emails. Just, about Sofiane, maybe?” He shrugs. “I mean, I figured since the moment I saw you looking at his instagram that you were into him, maybe? I don’t know.” He runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head. “I just feel like communication—”

 

“Really, you’re going to lecture me on communication, the king of miscommunication? The king of ‘Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say it like that,’ is going to lecture me on communication?” Imane says, and Lucas laughs.

 

“Okay, fair. Just. Something to think about?” Imane nods, and she knocks their shoulders together. They sit in silence for a little bit, and she rolls her shoulders, stretching out. “Feeling better?”

 

“Yeah.” She blinks, brings a knee to her chest. “Thank you. I did do something fucked up because of that. And everyone’s acting like Charles was a dick. But I don’t...Manon never told me anything, just that they broke up. I...I don’t know.”

 

“He did something fucked up too,” Lucas says. She bites her lip, looking away. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. And Manon hasn’t told you. It’s fine, Imane.”

 

“Okay.” She lets go of the tension in her body, standing up. She smiles at him, and for the first time in a while, it doesn’t feel forced. “I’m gonna head to class early.” Lucas nods, scrolling through his phone. “See you in a bit?”

 

“See you in a bit,” he confirms, saluting her, and she laughs. Somehow, her chest doesn’t ache so much, and there’s a little spring in her step, and she feels lighter. She underestimated the feeling of having someone be there for you, and listen, and commiserate, and just how nice it would be, to have that. Maybe she will talk to Manon, again, about Sofiane. She opens her phone again, responding to Jamila’s text.

 

Imane

_Thursday would be great!_

 

She washes her hands in the bathroom, and when she prays for forgiveness the next time, it helps her feel whole, again.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on twitter @/iucasvaitersen (but with capital I's) if u wanna talk to me about any of the skams. i am here for them all. <3


End file.
